Advice from a small-town girl

I thought maybe I should dispense some free advice to those of you who are new (or some of you who are not so new) to our community. For those of you who might question my qualifications, here’s my resume: I grew up on a farm outside a town much smaller than Odessa, spending my first 18 years in Bickleton (population about 100). I was at Washington State University for four years, then lived in Yakima for four years. In 1981 I moved to Portland, where I worked and lived for over 20 years. Finally (I hope), I married and moved to Odessa, back to small town life.

Adjustments haven’t always been easy, and here are a few of the things I’ve learned along the way:

If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. You never know who’s related to the person standing next to you.

In general, change is a good thing. It forces us to learn and grow.

Don’t be afraid to put yourself forward. All my life I heard my mother say, “You know, I’ve never been accepted in this town.” She lived there for over 60 years! Since I don’t want to be saying the same thing, I have always found things to do that interest me, wherever I have lived. You could too.

Don’t put yourself too far forward. Think golden retriever puppy, not full grown rottweiler.

Being involved and participating are not the same thing as being in charge. Give yourself some time to make transitions. Allow the community some time to get to know you before you start telling them how they’ve been doing it all wrong.

Don’t assume that just because someone chooses to live and work in a small town that they aren’t smart or well-educated. And don’t assume that just because you come from a more sophisticated place that you are more sophisticated or smarter.

Also, don’t assume that just because we live in a small town, we’re not as busy as citizens of a metropolis. Believe me, we’re busy.

It’s easy in a larger community to pick and choose those with whom you spend time. Not so much in a small town. Practice kindness, patience and persistence.

Try NOT to let your feelings be hurt. It’s actually not that hard. If you do allow your feelings to be hurt, try to get over it. I can pretty much guarantee two things: First, no one is going to chase after you to try to make it all better. Second, you’re the only one who’s going to be hurt. Nobody else is going to notice.

Small towns are full of big-hearted people who will gather you in if you let them. So let them!

Don’t sit around and wait for the community to come to you. If you want to be involved, get involved. If you need help making connections, ask one person. It’s not that hard to approach one person. And if you’ve lived here for over 3 months without connecting with at least one person, maybe you need to do some self-examination.

I’m assuming (and you know what that can do) that you now live in Odessa because you choose to live in Odessa. And if you are capable of choosing where you live, you can also choose how to spend your time while you are here.

Next week: Advice to the locals.