Advice from a small town girl

I know this will come as a huge surprise to most of you.

I have a character flaw.

“Only one?” (I can hear you, you know.)

Only one that I’m willing to talk about today. We’ll save the others for another time. Or other times, as it will probably take several.

This particular character flaw became apparent (again) Sunday night, as we were participating in our annual pumpkin-carving party at a friend’s house.

(We started this tradition years ago and have maintained it through several changes in circumstance. And I must say we are incredibly grateful to the teenaged girl who is so gracious as to carve pumpkins every year with a bunch of old people.)

At any rate, there we were, happily mutilating cucurbits, and I opened my mouth to begin telling another carver (who happened to be my husband) about the BETTER way to cut a pumpkin lid.

Mind you, it is a BETTER way. It makes it incredibly easy to light and place candles, and the pumpkin lid never collapses into the cavity as the jack-o-lantern ages. But the fact that it’s BETTER is not important.

What is important is that I stopped myself with only half of a word out of my mouth.

I managed to interrupt the continual process of HAVING TO BE RIGHT smack dab in the middle.

I was so proud of myself.

Of course, it might never happen again. The interruption, I mean, not the HAVING TO BE RIGHT.

HAVING TO BE RIGHT is a continual part of my existence. Where on earth did it come from, and why don’t I seem to be able to stop it?

HAVING TO BE RIGHT can encompass a lot of behaviors, from correcting other people’s grammar all the way to the best way to train a puppy. Or child.

So far I’ve managed to (almost completely) stop correcting other people’s grammar, although I have not been able to stop myself cringing at “I seen,” “them are” or “Me and Mike.” I do correct people on TV, because I’ve decided it doesn’t count if they can’t hear me.

The weirdest things will drive me crazy, as anyone who has ever played bunco with me will know.

We all know those people who seem to spend most of their time trying to find out what other people do incorrectly. Or just proving that they know more than the person they’re speaking with.

I think they (we) do it mainly to make ourselves feel better about ourselves. Perhaps it incubates in children who have low self-esteem, and grows exponentially from there. Some of us are direct about it, which makes us seem overbearing. Others are subtle about it, which makes us unpleasant in a very different way.

Wherever it comes from and however it’s expressed, people who HAVE TO BE RIGHT aren’t a lot of fun to be around.

So I’m going to keep working on this particular character flaw.

It won’t be easy.

It might even be harder than dieting.

But I’m going to keep trying, because I want to be fun to be around.